I'm learning to repent a lot faster—at least I think I am. When something happens in the natural realm that sucks, or someone wrongs me, or I mess up, or whatever fleshy thing occurs... I'm learning to just take the L. Which is hilarious, because nobody wants to take the L these days. It's considered shameful in today's society to take an L... but with Jesus, it seems that losing to God is actually how you secure the W in the end.
Like, “OH MY GOD, GOD—you DON'T want me to be right all the time??? You don't want me to prove things to people, even if You are behind it??? You don't want me to correct the ever-living crap out of people when I know I'm right??? You want me to look bad, bear a grin, and just take it???” Yeah... somewhat, because there is something beneath the surface if you continue to fix your eyes on Jesus and wait for Him to actually take the wheel. It's learning to get over yourself, your life, and your image.
Just readjust your focus ASAP and get back on the sauce. Let it go. I'm either learning this or I'm being broken—one way or another, it's working. I don't have to win in the flesh as much anymore. I just don't care about the natural realm as much. It's boring, highly ineffective, and unrewarding to win only in the natural.
Oh, what's this? I just woke up and people want to mistreat me or make stuff up about me? Wow, I may only go into a violent rage for one night now instead of four days. That's progress. I hate losing, but we're all losers in the flesh. Back on the sauce. I just don't care as much if people want to get what they want, even if it seems psychotic and completely delusional to me.
Lately, it’s been so strange—and I mean SO STRANGE. People make stuff up about me left and right and accuse me of things I didn't do. Even if I do something small, they retaliate twice as hard, even if I apologize. It doesn't matter. It’s been the weirdest, most frustrating thing, but that’s because my focus was on the wrong thing. There is a lot of wisdom packed in here if you break it down—keys to retaining and maintaining your peace with God.
You can only keep your eyes on this stuff for so long before it gets old. Your offenses, your fears, your need for control... it just gets old. Getting stuff, not getting stuff—it all gets old. Everything gets old, and maybe it takes a ton of it to finally break those things in a person. Hey, maybe I'm a little more stubborn than the next guy, but trying to deal with these things in my flesh has gotten old.
I can see it now: “Wow, how’d you get so calm under these incredibly stressful circumstances?” “Oh, I got used to it a long time ago when I was put in the most irritating, confusing situations with minimal help or answers for years at a time. That's how I learned to handle things correctly—how God wanted it done. Yeah, it was painful as hell and the most testing experience ever, but I finally took my L... I just learned to take the Ls better. There was no other way. It was either His way or the highway, and I had to learn to lose to God.”
I bet everyone thought Jesus the Messiah "lost" when He went to the cross. I bet He looked like a big loser hanging there all beat up, seemingly powerless and defenseless as a lamb, while they mocked, jeered, and taunted Him. I bet Lazarus at the gate looked like a loser, begging from the rich man just to be treated like garbage.
But the will of God was done. I think it takes a really long time to truly understand that and actually cope with it—at least for a guy like me who always wants to win.
I've been addicted to winning for a very long time. I'm smart—very smart—and capable. I've excelled at almost everything I've put my hands to for as long as I can remember, but none of that matters. God’s got a different approach and a different method. Imagine when God started breaking that down in me to a greater degree... Oh, it was demon time! You're telling me it's time to LOSE!? Yeah... kinda, sorta...
It's probably one of the greatest Ls you could ever take: the one from the Lord. You won't get what you want or what your brain thinks is right, fair, and just... but you gain something else. Something of eternal value, something richer, longer-lasting, and far more solid to stand on in the end. Everything else gets old, but only one thing remains.
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