The Mask Falls: The Truth about Spiritual Dryness
Today was horrendous. I felt spiritually dry, distant, and hopeless. For a while, I tried to mask it with "Bible spa" time and scripture reading, but I was just hiding. The truth? I didn't want God’s heart. I wanted my own way.
The Bible says the carnal mind is at enmity with God; it cannot submit. Finally, I just told the truth: "God, I hate this walk. I don’t want to do this anymore."
The moment I stopped pretending to be holy and became a "vagabond" at the cross, something changed. Not judgment, but grace. I had to go low to go high. I had to stop being a whitewashed tomb—right on the outside but dead inside—and let the darkest stuff be washed out.
The Prophet’s Porch: Finding God in the Ordinary
A few days later, sitting on the porch with a cigarette, I felt that familiar emptiness and anxiety. Then, the wind picked up. I saw white petals blowing, and I realized: God is in the wind.
I looked at a windchime and, by faith, I "drank" from it. I saw an angel passionately playing that chime like a harp, trying to set me free. It was intense. It reminded me of Moses striking the rock.
The Revelation: Our hearts are that rock. Hard. Stony. But God promised to remove the heart of stone and give us a heart of flesh. In the Old Covenant, Moses struck the rock and physical water came out. In the New Covenant, God strikes Jesus or the rock to soften our hardened hearts so the Living Water can overflow from the inside.
The Two Mountains: External vs. Internal
When God descended on Sinai, there was lightning, thick smoke, and a trumpet that terrified everyone. It was all external. Moses alone went into that thick darkness to meet God face-to-face as a friend.
I see the same thing happening now, but it’s flipped. People are having those exact same Sinai experiences—the lightning, the smoke, the terror—but they are happening internally.
The Weight: Leaders today carry that same sheer weight on their backs.
The Ascent: We are going up the "internal mountain," taking on burdens for others, passing through the fire of sanctification just to sit face-to-face with Him.
The Result: We move from being "religious" to being called a Friend of God.
The "John Wick" of Ministry
God told me this walk is like being the "John Wick" of ministry. At first, you think, "Badass." Then you realize John Wick was constantly under attack, having things thrown in his face, when all he wanted was peace.
Sometimes this walk feels like a spit in the face. You do all this for God, and you’re still suffering, wondering if it’s ever enough. But where else is there to go? The world is a "bad guys' nightclub," and everyone is crying out for freedom. God is developing His voice in us to be the answer to those cries.
The Kingdom Age: Joels Army and the Sun Within
We are moving out of the "Church Age" and into the Kingdom Age. * The 144,000: This isn't just a number; it's an army—Joel’s Army—marching in rank, not breaking stride.
The Return: Jesus isn't just coming in the clouds; He is coming out of the "cloud of witnesses" (that’s us) with trumpets blaring.
The Sun: Spending time with God is like building a Sun inside of you. It’s the process of Christ being "formed" in you (Galatians 4:19).
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